Wise Courage

Last night I sat in front of my computer for about three hours typing out an outline of an article for my Post-Modern American Literature class, (which, incidentally, involves reading four books by non-American writers. Go figure.) Our current project does involve an American author - we are reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien.

The article I was outlining discusses a re-definition of what makes a person courageous. "Courage," argues literary critic Carl Horner, "cannot be separated from wisdom, temperance, and justice." (See "Challenging the Law of Courage and Heroic Identification in Tim O'Brien's If I Die in a Combat Zone and The Things They Carried for more.) In other words, courage doesn't exist in a vacuum. It is influenced by our social constructs of how events should proceed, how courage should look as opposed to what it is, an intangible concept we've given a face to.

It's a division of virtue easily mistaken for something else - do people act out of self-sacrifice because they are afraid of looking afraid and really come off looking courageous, in spite of their mindless agression? Horner argues that most men aren't nearly afraid of death as they are of going home cowards, at least in a war setting. Ultimately, Horner conceeds to O'Brien's definition - "if we are not thinking, we are not human. If we are not thinking, by extension we are not brave in the human dimension. Proper courage is wise courage."

The word "courage" has come up several times in the last few weeks and months in emails and articles and books and whatever else I've read and listend to. One incident that stands out particularly strongly involves and email from a friend saying that going against the church on Proposition 8 is a courageous thing to do because it goes against the norm in Utah. To an extent he is right. It would, by dictionary definition, take a certain amount of courage to go against the masses on the issue - but is it the kind of courage that I want to have? What quality of courage do I want to obtain?

The reason I'm writing about this is, perhaps a bit predictable in light of the events yesterday. I watched the news along with everyone else that has a scrap of patriotism and respect for our country and celebrated the fact that our country has, at least for now, some hope for the future and a small scrap of dignity to cling to on the world scene. But something I saw bothered me. Images of the mass crowds of people in the Mall booing images of President Bush and cheering as his plane left Washington. These are, presumably, the same people who have been telling McCain supporters to suck it up and accept President Obama and give him respect as the choice of the nation.

I don't agree with everything President Bush did. I don't think he is a perfect man or a perfect leader. Nor do I think it is fair to blame everything on him, or to blame everything on Congress. But I do think he is a good man. The popular view of Bush being an illiterate unintelligent monkey who led our country down that dark path of recession and war due to his mindlessness drives me crazy. It is unfair and not true. Wherever the "blame" lies for all this, it isn't just on one man. It is on far too many things that are out of anyone's control.

So at this time of transition, I tip my virtual hat to President Bush for doing all he could in the last eight years to do what he could with what he is given. As my President, he deserves respect. As a good man and a human being, he deserves to maintain his dignity. It will be interesting to see what the next four(+) years bring to our country and whether or not the popular opinion of President Obama shifts at all.

Two steps forward, ten billion steps back

Sometimes when I write in here I try and have a certain kind of voice, or some kind of "I'm going to say something important mode" feeling. I think lots of people do this when they write in blogs. They write about the problems of the universe great or small...and I'm too tired to write about anything important so I'm just going to vent for a little. Stay with me. You'll probably sympathize.

I'm tired. I'm completely and utterly exhausted. To be totally honest it's a miracle I got up this morning. I am at the end of my rope. You know the point. It's when you are so exhausted that your body feels like it's asleep when you're sitting or standing in one place for so long. And you would think that you would be asleep too except you have a headache and you're forcing yourself to keep your eyes open and just keep moving. Keep going through the motions. Wake up. Get ready. Make lunch. Walk to class. Sit in class and look interested. Maybe say something profound if you can think enough. Leave class. Go to next class. Same thing. Go to work. Go home. Do lots of homework. Hopefully get to bed by 12:30. Wake up...Start over.

If I were more awake and more aware right now, I would be really frustrated. Well, maybe not right this minute. I'm really writing this in the middle of an American Lit class and trying to catch some of the lecture on Puritan culture (which I already know most of because of other classes). But if I weren't in American Lit, and I were more awake, I'd be frustrated. I'd be frustrated because there hasn't been one point this semester where I have felt like I've been on top of things. I've always been just barely hanging on. Or not hanging on at all just letting the wind or the tornado or whatever kind of propel me towards things. It's annoying. I love all my classes. (Well...Maybe not American Lit as much as the rest, but most of that is because I just don't like American Lit). Either way though, I've got so much to do, and so much to take care of and not enough me to do it with.

This isn't unique. This happens to every college student. I don't think I know one (or at least not many-I've got a roommate who always manages to be in bed by 11:00 and still get incredible grades), but between working 16 hours a week and taking classes I don't quite know how I'm going to manage life. Let's just say that I literally cannot wait for the weekend.

Small tirade inserted here: My parents keep asking me about whether or not I'm dating. *drops to the floor*. There are not enough hours in the day for me to go to class, do my homework, go to work (so that I can go on a study abroad), and do Christmas Carol (I hope) in a day. Much less date. To be totally honest, I'm amazed (and a little confused) at how in the world people manage to date and go to school at the same time. Who has the time?! I know that we're supposed to use college to grow as a person and get out and whatever else, but what if I really want to focus on school? Sigh. This is where it starts to get absurd. I can't run faster than I'm able but I'm expected to be educated, experience the world, volunteer, have a church calling, and go out and make a boy date me so that I can get married!? Right. I'm sorry. That just isn't humanly possible. Not right now anyway. Not for me.

Besides- One of my roommates said that she heard someone say once that marriage is just a byproduct of living a righteous life. It shouldn't be the end all-be all of our existence. It's important, yes. But at this point when I don't have anyone to date, or anyone I want to date, I'm not going to run at it.

Good gravy, I just did another entry on dating. I'm sorry. I totally didn't expect it to go that way. I guess it's official-BYU has corrupted me.

Oh, and Liz? You'll excuse me for not publishing more often. I haven't had much time lately.

American Literature...and other ramblings

First of all, I am finally back in Happy Valley. Thank heaven for that. There's been plenty of drama back home, from what I hear. And because I think it goes along with today's rant...I'll explain.

Since I was a Freshman in High School, the drama department has done a grand total of 5 plays on tolerance. Our drama teacher is kind of stuck on the "accepting people who are different" rant. Which is fine and great, but after a while you get sick of all the same, downer play where half the people end up dead and or maimed. This years play is no different. My high school is going to put on The Laramie Project. For those of you who are ignorant about the play, I'll explain. The play is made up of monologues from interviews with people who were involved with the murder of Matthew Shepherd, a gay college student in Wyoming. The play contains more than eight "F" words and several other four letter obscenities, not to mention the graphic descriptions of sex and...well, you get the picture. It's not appropriate for high school. There's been a huge amount of uproar about it because the parents are upset. The administration has offered to remove the curse words, but the content is still there.

I could go into a rant about how terrible I think The Laramie Project is, but that's not my point.

I'm getting there, hold on.

Today in my American Lit class we had a discussion about the evolution about what is considered canon, and how that has changed over the years from just the old white guys to include black/Latino/Chinese/women writers etc. Discussions such as that one frustrate me. In my opinion, literature should be color/gender blind. Anthologies shouldn't include writers of a different race/gender/whatever because they are different, they should include the literature itself because it is good. No more should they include the old white guys because they've always been included before. On a very biased note, I'd take out all Hawthorne because I hate his writing, but that's me. My point is: we should read good literature because it's good literature, not because it's old and cliche (Tom Sawyer, for example. Or the Raven), or because it's new and controversial.

All of this fuss, to me, is just another case of the minority taking over the majority. This gets to being a bit of a hairy topic. I'm not saying that the minority shouldn't be heard. It would be a great loss if we didn't have some of the writings, or movies, or whatever from minorities. But at the same time, the majority is being compromised simply because they are a majority. This is why elementary schools in my home town had winter programs about Hanukkah and Kwanza but not Christmas. The majority is so afraid of offending the minority that the majority no longer has an equal shot. A middle class white person is, in many cases, just out of luck. Applying for scholarships is a nightmare, for example. We have become so obsessed with recognizing the new traditions that we have ignored the old ones. Christmas is still a huge part of American tradition whether you choose to celebrate it religiously or not.

This is the problem my parents are running into in protesting The Laramie Project. The majority of parents at home are conservative, but when they speak out against the content of the play, they are called bigots and closed minded.

I don't have a solution to this problem. I can see how both sides would be frustrated. It isn't fair that the majority is the majority. It makes it harder for the minority to get ahead. But it's also not fair for the minority to gain special privileges over the majority. It gets complicated. It's easy for me to say-I've always been told to treat people equally regardless of skin color or gender, or whatever, but this problem is bigger than me. It goes back hundreds of years.

So I guess I'll end with a quote from one of my favorite movies: "Who said life was fair? Where is that written?" It's certainly true. I would just like to know how a race/gender/sexual oriented nation will ever be able to establish what it is attempting to do while it remains obsessed.