"Umm. . . hi?"

Here's a quick funny story for the day.

Today was the "We've got to see everything we can!" day and involved a plethora of museums and busses and picture taking sessions. There are many gems of entertainment value to be had in these experiences (re: posing with the Oscar Wilde statue), but my favorite happened at the IMMA (Irish Museum of Modern Art.)

We were just about to leave. I was still wandering down the hallway when Asenath decided she needed the toilet. I decided I'd go too a few seconds after she went in, just because public loos are kind of a rare thing in this part of the world. It's all about foresight. So I go in. I see two stalls and know that she must be in one of them, right? So I say "hiiiii." And go into my stall.

She doesn't say anything.

I think "she must not have known it was me, whatever," and finish my business. By the time I'm done, she's already outside talking with Shannon who is laughing.

"Asenath came out of the bathroom and said 'so this weird person came in and said hiiiiii to me while I was in the bathroom'."

Shannon looks at her and says, "Asenath, that was Joni."

So now whenever something strange happens, someone says 'hiiiii'.

Maybe you had to be there?

I interupt my regular display of Anglophilia to bring you a Patriotic display of affection. . .

. . . for the Muppets and all of their amazingness. Watch. Enjoy. I felt more patriotic at the thought that, if nothing else, I live in a country that provides me with entertainment as amazing as this.

Nothing distracts reading a test more than reading a book.

In case you hadn't already figured it out by the title of my blog, I'm a bit of an Anne of Green Gables obsessor. That is putting it very lightly. I will fight tooth and nail with anyone, anyone, who dares claim a stronger relationship to Anne than I have (I've done it before. It's not pretty, and I do win.) I have grown up with her and rather than going into the details of this comparison, take my word for it. We are two peas in a literary pod.

As such, I generally enjoy finding ways to compare my life to my semi-fictional friend. It happened this weekend when I took the Praxis: an exam set out to prove that I am (or will be) worth my salt as a teacher. In other words: I have to know more than the average high schooler. The whole time I was there I imagined myself in that hall Anne goes to for the entrance examination to Queens. That was much more satisfactory than taking the actual test.

Here's how it works:

BYU and UVU students (apparently) do some kind of school switch for the exam. Since the exam started at 7:30 in the morning (my favorite hour of the day), I got up at 6:00 (my other favorite hour) to eat and get dressed and generally wake myself up. I armed myself with two #2 pencils with good erasers, a book to read during down time, a water bottle to keep myself awake and to keep myself from coughing, cough drops and gum to help as well, and some kleenex (since I wasn't about to use the scratchy non-lotiony school kind.) Let it never be said that I go anywhere unprepared, especially to tests.

This is where things get odd.

For those of you who will be taking the Praxis at some point in your life, let this serve as a warning.

Our room was divided into half English Education and half Elementary Education majors. This is important because the Elementary Education majors have calculators that feature prominently later in the scene. We are told that this is a very important test that will influence our future lives and that if we don't pass our entire educational career will have been for NOTHING. It is serious, and should be treated seriously. I am officially humbled.

We are then told that the test is two hours long, that we are not allowed to leave unless we have an absolute bathroom emergency. I have to keep my horrible driver's license picture on my desk at all times (for what, exactly?) and nothing else. We are not allowed to eat, drink, or chew gum. If we do, we will spill on our tests, and then they will not be scan-able and we will fail. Food? I understand. Water? I look around. I don't see any open glasses. Just water bottles. And gum? That doesn't make any sense at all. If you're dumb enough to accidentally spit your gum into the middle of your test, you probably wouldn't have passed anyway.

Then comes the bad news.

We must stay in our seats for the duration of the test. Even if everyone finishes in the first five minutes, we have to stay for the full two hours. And when we are finished, we are not allowed to read. When I ask instructor number one about this, she tells me that reading is a distraction. (Insert eyebrow raise here.)

So the test starts. Feeling somewhat cheeky, I ask to go to the bathroom half an hour into the test because I am more than half way done already, and bored with answering questions. I take my time.

I come back in and finish the rest of my test with nearly an hour to spare. I take a nap. I go to the bathroom again. I sit down and write on the back of my test booklet the following list:

Things that are more distracting than reading:

1. The boy sitting behind me and to my left who persists in bouncing his feet on the ground, and who has the noisiest marking pencil ever.
2. The calculators. I think the Elementary Education Department has trained their students to believe that the louder they press the keys, the more correct their answer will be.
   
3. The clock on the wall that gives a little buzz every couple of minutes.
   
4. The pages turning in the test booklets that people are (wait for it): reading.
   
5. Instructor #1 at the front of the room. . . (wait for it again). . . reading.
   
6. Instructor #2 who leaves the room every fifteen minutes or so and then comes back in for no apparent reason.

So there it is. Nothing distracts reading a test more than. . . reading a book.

No, Dr. Dermatologist, I do not want your high powered drug.

The scene: Dermatologist's office in an undisclosed location.
The players: Myself (known as UL - Unfortunate Lilymaid), Dr. Dermatologist (DD) and his assistant (We'll call her Pam, just for kicks.)
The time: approximately 8:45 AM, 25 February 2009

At Open: UL is sitting Down Stage Right in a semi-comfortable chair reading The Life of Pi, wishing she were asleep or studying for a test that she must take later that day.

Enter DD and Pam from Up Stage Left.

DD: Hello! What are you reading?

UL: The Life of Pi

DD: I think I've heard of it but I don't know that I've ever read it.

UL: That's nice.

DD pulls up a chair and looks intensely at UL's face.

DD: Have you ever considered taking an ultra-powerful but very expensive drug that will dry out your skin and make you moody and require monthly blood testing and is harder to prescribe than most narcotics but clears up face problems in 5 out of 6 of my patients? (Drug will hence forth be known as "accutane" or simply "ultra-powerful drug")

UL: Yes, you spoke to me about that last time.

DD: Let me ask you something. How old are you?

UL: I will be continuing in early twentysomethingdom next May.

DD: Are you dating? Planning on getting married? Pregnant?

UL: No, still no, definitely without question no.

DD: Then now is the perfect time to take the ultra-powerful drug! Your not all that horrible skin will be really super horrible, but no one will care because they are not dating you. And then when someone does finally date you, you will be free of such cares!

UL: See, I've done some research into this ultra-powerful drug and everyone else who has been on it had skin issues about six times worse than mine.

(Pam is currently typing on the computer. UL concludes that Pam is either taking notes on the conversation, checking her Facebook, or chatting with "Jim" through google chat.)

DD: Well, yes. This is true. But you have a spot right there (points to the two zits currently taking up residence on UL's right temple) that could be cleared up FOREVER with this ultra-powerful drug. If you were my daughter I would take you by the collar and shake you and tell you that you had to get on this drug now! You're probably really glad you're not my daughter, right?

UL: (nods, but is really thinking "Nofreakingkidding.")

DD: So, what do you think? Not that you're not a lovely girl, but that little spot on your face is driving me crazy and the only way we can get rid of it and make you truly beautiful is with ultra-powerful drug treatment.

UL: (starting to be somewhat annoyed/put out): No thank you.

DD: Are you sure? Because most girls' acne disappears by the time they're 20. And if it continues beyond then, they are most certainly doomed to suffer from adult acne until they are 54 and hit menopause.

UL: (He's not met many of my friends. And since when is 20 the magic number?) Actually, I'm pretty happy with what I'm taking right now.

DD: Alright. Well, when you change your mind, here is my card.


In other news, UL is currently in the market for a dermatologist who is equally as good natured as current DD but perhaps not quite so quick to jump the gun on last resort drug use.

Things that Make me go *headdesk*

1. Parents who give their children names like Adolf Hitler for the sake of being unique (and then get confused when it makes people wonder)
2. The media being so utterly predictable when they pick President Elect Obama as the Person of the Year.  I don't doubt that he deserves it - it was certainly an historic election.  But. . . really?  He hasn't even really done anything yet . . . 
3. 7:00 A.M. shifts at work.  Ever.  But especially during finals week. 
4. The media figuring out that communication in relationships makes a difference.
5. Some of the ways that people manage to make money for charity.
6. Students at BYU who are so sheltered they call the police when they see men with moustaches. . . and then find out that they are construction workers who are supposed to be where they are.  Or really. . . anything in BYU's Police Beat (the sheltered lives some people lead!)
7. The best show on television being cancelled - though the commentary on the cancellation is pretty fantastic.
8. Some of the things that made it through production.
9. Other things that made it through production. 
   
10. And just. . . what?!

Amusing

Most of the time I use this place as a springboard for venting. Today I have something much more entertaining for you. Well-I thought it was entertaining anyway.

Last Friday I was walking towards the HFAC past the library on my way to rehearsal for The Importance of Being Earnest. It was about four thirty so most people were in class and campus was pretty empty. I passed a girl leaving the library who (believe it or not, and cover your ears if you get offended)-she swore. Oh my gosh. I almost laughed out loud. It wasn't a bad swear word (in comparison). One of those "in the Bible" words that some people "Mormonize" even in the Book of Mormon. But oh it was funny. I don't even know why it was funny exactly. It's not like I've never heard the word before, it just took me by surprise. Not that I condone bad language, but it was a nice ice-breaker of sorts. Because, face it: most of us have moments where we just want to let it out...

The other funny thing I saw was when I was leaving the HFAC after rehearsal was over. I was walking by a practice room when I saw a kid rocking out to a ukelele. I didn't even know you could rock to a ukelele. But this kid was really into it. Hard core ukelele-ist. Now I've seen it all.

So to anyone who says that BYU isn't diverse-remember: we have people that swear. And play the ukelele. And maybe at the same time! *Gasp*