Nothing distracts reading a test more than reading a book.

In case you hadn't already figured it out by the title of my blog, I'm a bit of an Anne of Green Gables obsessor. That is putting it very lightly. I will fight tooth and nail with anyone, anyone, who dares claim a stronger relationship to Anne than I have (I've done it before. It's not pretty, and I do win.) I have grown up with her and rather than going into the details of this comparison, take my word for it. We are two peas in a literary pod.

As such, I generally enjoy finding ways to compare my life to my semi-fictional friend. It happened this weekend when I took the Praxis: an exam set out to prove that I am (or will be) worth my salt as a teacher. In other words: I have to know more than the average high schooler. The whole time I was there I imagined myself in that hall Anne goes to for the entrance examination to Queens. That was much more satisfactory than taking the actual test.

Here's how it works:

BYU and UVU students (apparently) do some kind of school switch for the exam. Since the exam started at 7:30 in the morning (my favorite hour of the day), I got up at 6:00 (my other favorite hour) to eat and get dressed and generally wake myself up. I armed myself with two #2 pencils with good erasers, a book to read during down time, a water bottle to keep myself awake and to keep myself from coughing, cough drops and gum to help as well, and some kleenex (since I wasn't about to use the scratchy non-lotiony school kind.) Let it never be said that I go anywhere unprepared, especially to tests.

This is where things get odd.

For those of you who will be taking the Praxis at some point in your life, let this serve as a warning.

Our room was divided into half English Education and half Elementary Education majors. This is important because the Elementary Education majors have calculators that feature prominently later in the scene. We are told that this is a very important test that will influence our future lives and that if we don't pass our entire educational career will have been for NOTHING. It is serious, and should be treated seriously. I am officially humbled.

We are then told that the test is two hours long, that we are not allowed to leave unless we have an absolute bathroom emergency. I have to keep my horrible driver's license picture on my desk at all times (for what, exactly?) and nothing else. We are not allowed to eat, drink, or chew gum. If we do, we will spill on our tests, and then they will not be scan-able and we will fail. Food? I understand. Water? I look around. I don't see any open glasses. Just water bottles. And gum? That doesn't make any sense at all. If you're dumb enough to accidentally spit your gum into the middle of your test, you probably wouldn't have passed anyway.

Then comes the bad news.

We must stay in our seats for the duration of the test. Even if everyone finishes in the first five minutes, we have to stay for the full two hours. And when we are finished, we are not allowed to read. When I ask instructor number one about this, she tells me that reading is a distraction. (Insert eyebrow raise here.)

So the test starts. Feeling somewhat cheeky, I ask to go to the bathroom half an hour into the test because I am more than half way done already, and bored with answering questions. I take my time.

I come back in and finish the rest of my test with nearly an hour to spare. I take a nap. I go to the bathroom again. I sit down and write on the back of my test booklet the following list:

Things that are more distracting than reading:

1. The boy sitting behind me and to my left who persists in bouncing his feet on the ground, and who has the noisiest marking pencil ever.
2. The calculators. I think the Elementary Education Department has trained their students to believe that the louder they press the keys, the more correct their answer will be.
   
3. The clock on the wall that gives a little buzz every couple of minutes.
   
4. The pages turning in the test booklets that people are (wait for it): reading.
   
5. Instructor #1 at the front of the room. . . (wait for it again). . . reading.
   
6. Instructor #2 who leaves the room every fifteen minutes or so and then comes back in for no apparent reason.

So there it is. Nothing distracts reading a test more than. . . reading a book.

I'm not the other woman, I just came here with a guy who met up with a girl. . .

I decided that I would be more bold than normal yesterday. More bold than normal means that I was dropping hints toward a certain individual of the male gender that I am interested in getting to know. Not in the "I'm really interested in being your girlfriend" way, necessarily, more in the "I don't find you boring and I think it'd be fun to talk with you some more" way. So I mentioned to said male-specimen that I'd like to go up to the fireside but didn't want to drive, was he going? And he said yes he was going and would I like a ride? And I said yes, what a clever idea.

All was going just swimmingly until said male got a phone call from an unknown (to me) individual when we got inside the Mariott Center. This person happened to be a female. This person also happened to be a female that male specimen is interested in and has been out with several times.

Doh!

Male asked me if it would be awkward. Inside my head I am screaming "YES. Do you even have to think about asking that question to know that answer?! Because if you have to think about it then seriously. . ." But instead I politely smiled and said "No, I don't care, whatever you'd prefer" because what am I supposed to say and in we went. Me. Him. Girl. Girl's friends. And I can't even imagine how awkward it must be for her to have him show up with me. Good grief. The best laid plans indeed!

So this got me thinking. I think everyone in the world has had awkward dating stories. My mother says that they go away more or less when you meet the right person. I hope so.

In the mean time, I am going to cope by laughing at another strange situation (unfortunately) all revolving around one person. Sure hope said person doesn't read this. . .

The scene: I am seventeen. I am also sick. Home alone in my pajamas and bathrobe watching Anne of Green Gables or some other "bonnet movie" because that is what a sick girl ought to do. I get a phone call. Boy has something for me. I tell boy I am sick. He says it won't be long, do you care if I stop by? I say. . . ok. . .

Boy comes. I stand in doorway so that boy will not come in. Boy hands me a box and leaves. The conversation lasts no more than two minutes. I retreat back to the living room, pause the movie and open the box.

Inside is the "Evenstar" necklace from Lord of the Rings. Not a fake one. The real one. The $100+ one that comes in a box with a certificate in it. The one that symbolizes Arwen's immortality. The one that Aragorn wears for years in an attempt to hold on to that flame of their undying love for each other. Very possibly the most conspicuous piece of jewelry in that movie for someone without elven ears to wear including the ring.

And he has not given it to me on any holiday that I'm aware of. Christmas is several months ago. My birthday is not for a couple more months. We are certainly not dating and. . . what the heck was that supposed to mean?! Is he giving me his immortality?!

I put the necklace in the back of the top drawer of my dresser. It stays there untouched for many years until one day I am getting a ride home from boy. He says "so. . . did you ever wear that necklace I gave you?"

". . . No."

(Insert long silence here.)

Failure

First, an anecdote: My father took my brother to school this week. The way my dad tells it, he stayed at the college for about three hours before my brother said "Dad. . . it isn't really cool for college kids to walk around campus with their parents and grandparents." When I heard this story I laughed for a long time. That, my friends, is the mark of a freshman - even more than the dazed/confused/stressed look the first week of classes. "College kids" who think it isn't "cool" to have their parents around obviously haven't learned to work the system correctly. I love when my parents come to visit. Aside from the fact that I really enjoy their company, it means a few free meals and being a bit spoiled for the day. Case in point? My dad went to the BYU bookstore with me today and I came out with a new BYU sweatshirt and a license plate cover for my car.

On to the main point:

J.K. Rowling spoke today at Harvard for their commencement. Being the avid worshiper of all she says, I looked up the speech online and read it through. I wasn't disappointed at all. Bless her, she really has some powerful insights on life. The point that struck me the most was on her discussion on the benefits of failure.

She began by saying that many of the graduates (and I think this applies just as much, if not more so to BYU students than to Harvard students) are likely driven just as much by the fear of failure than the desire for success. "Ultimately," she continues, "we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it."

In light of some of my personal struggles the last few months, this struck me. Indulge me for a bit - The last few months have been hard ones for me. In many ways I don't think I've ever felt so alone. Much of this is due to the changing relationships I have with many of my friends who are moving away or getting married or simply drifting in their own direction away from me. Being the semi-loner that I am, I haven't really done much to stop this or work against it. One of my freshman roommates, for example, is getting married this month. I haven't received an invitation to her wedding reception at all and knew nothing at all about her bridal shower even though I know my other roommates were all invited. I won't lie and say that didn't hurt.

Aside from "failed" or "failing" relationships, I've been extremely depressed about my writing. I don't think I'm a horrible writer, but I don't see myself as truly spectacular either. The post-England class may have done more harm than good for me in the end, I think. I watched as my friends entered contests and received any amount of recognition while I entered the same contests and others and didn't hear a thing back at all. Of course I know that this is normal - hardly a published writer in the world hasn't met with large amounts of rejection, but the sting is still there. When you pour your heart into something and get little positive feedback, it's hard to find any light at the end of a tunnel.

I've struggled theatrically as well. I've auditioned for dozens of shows the past few years and my success rate has been rapidly declining. I used to know that I would at least be called for a second audition at virtually any theater in the valley. Then, inexplicably, the call backs stopped. It's strange because I have felt -and rightfully so, I think - that my auditions have improved. It doesn't make any sense. It's hard to know if it is just theater politics or if I'm growing more delusional about my abilities.

One Sunday a few weeks ago I had one very large emotional breakdown. I was frustrated because I felt so mediocre. I'm a good writer, not a great writer. I'm a decent actress, not an amazing actress. I have friends, but many of them seem to be moving on while I'm still stuck in singleville. This advice from JKR would have been highly useful once I'd stopped dwelling in semi-irrational-land: that measuring success or failure in any given thing by these imagined standards of the world won't do you any good. Because really, by the world's standards I'm probably a failure in all three of those things. I'm a failure as a friend because I'm so horrible at keeping in touch with people. I move on quickly because few people ever break down the walls I've put around myself for protection. I'm a failure as a writer because I'm an unpublished no-ideas girl with vague ambitions and no way to reach them. I'm a failure as an actress because I hardly ever make the shows I audition for. I'm pretty much an all around failure.

Do I really believe that? No. I did at the time. I had hit a kind of rock-bottom.

Later in her speech, JKR says that "personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement." In other words - setting my standard of success or failure in any one hobby or talent of mine by these so-called measures that the world makes is never going to make a success of me. Even if I do manage to somehow break out of my writing-rut and publish some amazing novel that receives great critical acclaim, what are the odds that I will ever meet with the same success as JKR, for example? I would say that the odds are about as good as my ever learning to fly to Neverland.

So I'm learning to pep-talk myself. I don't care if the world never reads my magnificent words - I enjoy writing. I love language. I love picking it apart and enjoying the clever plays that writers have on their readers. I love coming up with those games myself. If no one else ever enjoys it, then why on earth should that take away from my personal success? And so what if I don't make the cast of some play? I have always known that I have no desire to enter the film/theater industries. I have flaws as an actress but I have strengths as well. When I do get to perform I do all I can to make my part good.

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default."

So failure, then, doesn't have to be the opposite of success. Failure isn't falling down, it's staying down.

Comedic Hyperbole

So we've come to the end of another semester at the Y, and with finals week ahead of me (and some major procrastination tonight as I decide not to study in utter rebellion), I've decided to make a list of things that would be preferable to finals week. (Note the potential sarcasm typhoon approaching).

1. Living with Delores Umbridge
2. Being locked in a room with Freddy Krueger
3. All the laughter in the world sounding like Sponge Bob's laugh.
4. Nails on a chalk board
5. The chorus to "Yellow Submarine" as a continual soundtrack to my life
6. Taking a Blast-Ended Skrewt for a walk.
7. A friendly cup of tea with Darth Vader
8. Kissing a boy with a combo of onion/garlic/booger/vomit breath (I'm assuming this one)
9. Having the "My Heart Will Go On" song play every time I see PDA on campus
10. Poison Ivy underwear
11. A cross-country road trip in July in a car without air conditioning or a radio, and only an awkward home teacher for company (and we would probably break down in Pine Bluffs, Wyoming. Haven't heard of it? No one else has either).
12. Being forced to watch "Charly" or any other rubbish/sappy movie for any amount of time (short or long).
13. Listening to my Bishop's chastity talk every Sunday in church.
14. Living with Frodo Baggins while under influence of the ring.
15. Having the voice in my head sound like a combination Dobby/Gollum/Smeagol
16. Having to listen to that boy in my English class who finds himself more clever than he really is project any louder than he already does.
17. Being forced to read any more descriptions in Twilight of how beautiful Edward is. Whine whine whine.
18. Every theater in Utah only performing Romeo and Juliet.
19. Hiking across the moors for eternity with Heathcliffe, Rochester, Willoughby, David Copperfield and every other stupid/brooding/angsty/slimey hero
20. Barney. Anything.


That being said, I am very happy to be done with my classes this semester and am definitely looking forward to a week at home with my dog, a pile of movies, and a stack of books to work through. It's going to be fabulous.

An ode to my pale face

I was walking to my History (ugh) class today after dance and saw a rather well known sight around this campus: a girl who looks like she's been attacked by an orange.

It isn't really unique to BYU. Girls everywhere have been obsessed with fake bronzer forever in an attempt to look like they've just come back from a week at the beach (though anyone who goes to the beach legitimately comes back not looking orange). Unfortunately, most of these girls end up looking like they've gotten in the way of some poorly applied stage make-up. It's thick and circular and looks a bit like a mask on a face instead of make-up. This girl that I saw literally had about a half an inch of space at the top of her forehead revealing her naturally pale skin between her hair line and where the bronzer picked up. It's disgusting. Another girl I know regularly has a ring of orangy-stuff that stops around her jaw line. Every time I see her I want to run up and at least attempt to rub the stuff in but no one has ever bothered to tell her, apparently. As it is this campus is covered with orange faced-pale necked girls thinking that it looks decent. They're probably the same girls who think that mini-skirts and leggings are acceptable clothing (either in the modesty or attractiveness camp, take your pick). They probably get along well with all the boys walking through the snow in board shorts and flip flops 21 days before Christmas. Dressing for summer won't make it come faster!

This presents two problems: nasty orange unnatural faces that just look stupid, or a herd of females who never learned the purpose of make-up and never had a mother kind enough to show them how (or maybe it goes farther back than that). As far as I'm concerned, the make up I wear is just to even out skin tone and maybe enhance a feature or two - a bit of eye shadow, for example, to make my eyes look a bit bluer. But I don't want to look clownish. It's horrendous!

So this is my thanks to my mother who took the time to teach me how to pick the right foundation color, a plea to all girls on campus thinking that fake sun will make the real sun suddenly banish winter from Utah county (it won't. deal with it), and a hug for my pale skin that I am proud of. In fact, I spend a lot of time in the summer making sure that my skin doesn't get tanned. (Granted, I don't really tan well, I burn, but all the same). It is just further proof that I should have been born in another era.

Sending Glares

Do you ever have days when you just want to be frustrated because you can? Today is one of those days for me. My day hasn't been particularly bad, there have just been a series of events today that make me want to glare. So here it goes.

A glare for the man in the back of the library auditorium I'm sitting in right now who took away my cookie. I have to have something to keep me awake during this lecture...

A glare for whoever it was that thought it would be good to make me give up my chance to sleep in for once this Saturday. I am very angry about this.

A glare for my pillow. I need a new one. It doesn't support my neck which gives me upper back problems.

A glare because I want to watch North and South but I've loaned it out.

A glare because if I had North and South I wouldn't be able to justify watching it because of all the homework I've been skipping.

A glare for seeing people you don't want to see.

A glare for not seeing people you do want to see.

Two glares for the history department for wasting another hour of my life.


I suppose I should probably end on something positive?

A grin for almost being done with the semester.

A grin for the weekend.

Several grins for a new episode of Robin Hood to look forward to.

A grin for almost being caught up with my English homework.

A smirk for managing a good grade on a History assignment even though I only spent an hour on it, proving once again that my writing skills are superior to everyone. (I'm only partly kidding).

A grin for Thursday closing shifts at work.

A grin for pie night last night with my friends which was SO much fun (and so good. I'm in love with whoever made the apple).

Aaannd...a grin for solitare on my computer. It passes time quite nicely.

A List to Ward off Boredom

1. I sort of got this idea from Heather's blog (there's a link on the side bar).
2. Only I'm not going to attempt 100 on my list. I think I'll just go until I feel like stopping.
3. I'm listening to a very angry song by Regina Spektor
4. Which goes along nicely with my still hacked off mood over my blasted history test
5. I should be reading The Moonstone for my English class. Instead I've put it next to my computer. I think it's taunting me.
6. I probably spend more time writing than I should.
7. I actually have many things I need to do. Like go buy food and catch up on History readings, but I don't want to do those because then it feels like giving in to this professor and I'd rather just spite him. Even though I doubt he cares much whether I do his busy work or not.
8. I am usually the only one home any more because my roommates are all out with fiance's or visiting family during the weekends.
9. I mostly like it, but I don't have much of a social life so it makes me feel kind of guilty and like I should go intrude on some other group of apartments and make them adopt me or something.
10. I am deliberately skipping an Iowa reunion party to avoid seeing a few people I don't want to see.
11. That makes me happy.
12. I get really annoyed when people sound surprised at when I tell them I'm not dating anyone.
13. I get even more annoyed when they assume that if I can't go do something it's because I have plans with a boy.
14. I get even more more annoyed when their response to either one of the above is "but you're so cute"! As if that should solve all dating problems. Forgive me for wanting company of a guy who actually wants to be with me for more reasons than how I look.
15. I find it slightly creepy when girls say "If I were a boy I'd date you!"
16. I take great pleasure in my ability to quote large sections of every movie on my shelf.
17. My shelf is actually the bottom part of my closet because my real shelf is covered with books and other various trinkets.
18. I should probably get rid of some of those trinkets because they just clutter things up, but I am also a pack rat.
19. I'm not as bad with pack-ratting as my old roommate Sarah, who came home from her honeymoon yesterday and proceeded to dump a bunch of her trash into our recently emptied trash can. Now I have to take out her trash. Again.
20. I get really annoyed with people who leave lights on.
21. I got that from my dad.
22. I have a National Geographic calender from two years ago still. I save it because it has so many great pictures in it. I change the picture every few days.
23. Most of the movies on my closet 'shelf' are either books turned into movies or Englishy-type movies.
24. I have a guilty love of Gilmore Girls
25. It actually makes me really happy when people compare me to Rory Gilmore, mostly because I always wanted to look like her in High School and when people started telling me I did it gave me a bit of an ego.
26. I'm still slightly ticked off at the Hale for not calling me back for Christmas Carol this year. I deserved it.
27. Robin Hood Wednesdays are my favorite days of the week because I get to hang out with some of my friends.
28. I want to go home for Christmas, but I'm not really looking forward to it, mostly because my room isn't my room any more, and I think I'll probably die a little when I see how different everything is. I don't like thinking of myself as a guest with my family, but I guess that's sort of how it is now.
29. I'm a wimp. A complete wimp.
30. I hate practical jokes. I don't like playing them, but I really don't like being the brunt of them.
31. I think I should have been born in a different era. Preferably in England. But not too early. The Industrial Revolution would have sucked.
32. I still have a morbid fascination with the Titanic.
33. I also have a morbid fascination with the obituaries
34. But I only read the obituaries for people who look like they've died too young. I'm not sure why.
35. I still feel bad for liking to visit my mom's family more than my dad's when I was younger. I think it's because my mom's side of the family did things like go to movies. Playing old board games with my dad's family didn't quite cut it for me.
36. But I still love my dad's family.
37. If I could write like anyone it would be Lucy Maud Montgomery. Something about the way she writes is just comfortable.
38. I don't want to write anything remarkable. I don't want to say anything really profound. I'd rather just write a good story that people can enjoy.
39. With the exception of two people, I rarely stay in touch with people if they move away/move on in life. Those two people know who they are.
40. I own three different versions of Pride and Prejudice on DVD.
41. But my favorite movie I own is North and South.
42. I really want to start reading Harry Potter again from book one through the end but I won't let myself do it until I've finished reading Return of the King.
43. Return of the King has been in reading limbo for months now because school keeps getting in the way.
44. I think Eowyn is probably my favorite example of a woman in literature ever. Mostly because I love that she finds balance between being a warrior and fighting for what she wants, but is also gentle and good and a strong woman. I think that's really admirable.
45. I still wish Peter Pan would materialize and teach me how to fly.
46. I think it's annoying that my younger siblings will get cell phones and cars and things for all of high school, when I didn't get a cell phone until after I'd graduated and only got a car for half of my senior year.
47. I'm especially bitter about this because my brother doesn't take care of the car like I did, and also has a driving record much worse than mine.
48. Two weeks ago I was in the car with two different people who both got pulled over.
49. Both of them got off their tickets though. I think I'm a good luck charm.
50. This is a better homework-avoider than solitare.
51. Which I got addicted to last year.
52. I miss my dog probably more than anyone in my family.
53. I don't know if that's true. I miss them all. But Schatzie's pretty sweet.
54. When I'm old I want to be like my grandparents. I think they're amazing.
55. I interviewed them recently for another stupid history assignment-only I don't care if I fail this one because of some stupid reason, I got to know my grandpa a little more. I didn't know all that information about him. It was really cool.
56. I want to graduate. Really really bad.
57. When I graduate I want to go to England. Really really bad.
58. I don't know why America hasn't picked up on the good chocolate train. Cadbury kicks Hershey trash.
59. To my dying day I will say that Mars Bars are better than Milky Ways even though they are more or less the same, simply because one of them is British and one of them is not.
60. I've never really felt much patriotism to the US. Not that I don't like it here, I just don't have any real attachment to the country.
61. And I don't feel guilty about that.
62. If Hillary is elected I am going to think very seriously about jumping the border. Canada is a nice place to live, no?
63. I would never want to live anywhere where there wasn't snow.
64. Especially California or Texas.
65. I wish that all BYU students who complain about the weather would migrate south for the winter and leave the rest of us be. Or just go to school in Long Beach. I'm not picky.
66. I get annoyed when people say prayers that give thanks for being at 'the Lord's University'. Not that I don't like BYU but that's a little egotistical in a prayer, don't you think?
67. I was a cheerleader for two years in high school, even though I really hated my school. I just did it for the sport.
68. I don't like having to defend myself when people find out I was a cheerleader. While I did it I really enjoyed it.
69. I do like when people say that I'm classy, though. Because that's the kind of person I want to be.
70. I really love Turkish Delight. I think it's divine.
71. I have a pair of bright pink slippers that are a real talking point whenever I wear them.
72. I also have some pink pajamas and a pink robe, but I really don't like the color pink all that much.
73. I wish girls still wore nightgowns. I think they're comfortable.
74. I have a huge fear of vomit.
75. I am hungry.

There. I got 3/4ths of the way to 100. That's probably more than anyone who actually reads this really wanted to know about me.

A list of Grievances

This is written in response to a test I took recently for a class I should not have to take, and is written as a means of catharsis. It is directed particularly to the BYU History department, my professor, and whichever TA graded my test.

1. It is absurd that you (the BYU History Department) are making me re-take four classes and not accepting my AP credit. My AP US/European History teachers would successfully kick the man currently lecturing to me into the ground. I should not be forced to waste my time in classes that are too simple when I could be moving on to something interesting. It is a waste of my time and money.

2. When a professor puts a point value on a question, it is ridiculous to change the point value after the test has been taken. If a question is listed as 3 points, I will give a 3 point answer. Doubling the point value is unfair and slightly dishonest and changes the way I answer a question.

3. If the average on your test is a 72% for a Gen Ed, then we have a problem.

4. Ask the question you mean to ask on the essays. If you want me to use certain names/terms/angles in my writing, then tell me. If a prompt is as broad as "Describe how the Enlightenment affected civilization between 1640 and 1810", then you should not expect me to read your mind without further clarification. If the real question is "describe the specific ideas of the enlightenment as presented by Locke, Diderot, Montesquieu, etc", then let me know. If not, then expect me to narrow my essay down in a way that suits me (and still answers the question).

4a. In other words, ask the question you want answered.

5. Riddle me this, Batman: Where is the logic in an assignment for a European History class that calls for an interview with someone who lived through an event in history? Logic would tell you that in a class such as this one with a group of 95% American students, most of them will probably interview an American. This presents a problem in a European history class. Even if a student chooses to write about a world event (WWII, for example), they will be doing it from an American angle. This is history that the class has not (theoretically) covered. Lame.

6. There are many more words I would like to say, but they would likely take my blog into R rated territory, and we don't want that, do we? Best keep it clean.

Sincerely,

An enraged History Minor who is thoroughly disillusioned with BYU's History department and their lackies.

To whom it may concern...

The Readers' Forum in the Daily Universe is the best thing on earth sometimes. It makes me so happy. It really does. People at this University are insane and the Readers' Forum is where all of the insane people live. It's brilliant. I love it.

Take today for example in a letter entitled "New convert's shock"

"Halloween time can be fun, no doubt (costume parties, candy, friends, etc.), but what's up with BYU's dark Halloween paraphernalia? I wonder if God's got the Celestial Kingdom decked out with scenes of dead decaying humans, witches, witch havens, magic potions, sorcery, skulls, brews and haunted skeletons? But BYU seems pretty at home with it this year.

Maybe God will even include Satan in masterminding Heaven's scariest haunted house - full of vile, sick and unimaginable horrors like "The Haunted Forest" promoted on the front-page of BYU's newspaper last week.

Isaiah 5:20-"Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good."

Think I'm taking this a little too seriously? I dare you to research the truth for yourself. Read (and here the author lists many many scriptures to prove a point)...and then if you're real brave, research Halloween's actual roots. There's nothing "light," pure or holy about it.

Imagine Brigham Young and Joseph Smith visiting the BYU Bookstore, along with its large life-size wicked witch along with her wicked paraphernalia -presumably leftover human sacrifices.

Last time I checked, God wasn't real pleased with a witch (Exodus 22:18). So either God's saints have had their head in the sand a little too long or in their Harry Potter books - one or the other.

Don't believe a word I'm saying until you prayerfully review above sources."

For full coverage of this issue please follow this link to the Daily Universe website.

Oh goodness. Just when I thought my day couldn't get worse, someone made it infinitely better. I love my school! People here are so amazing. I feel like I am standing in the center of a web of bigots and liberals and people who get offended by everything or nothing or think that a date means marriage or don't date because men are dogs or women are clingy and I love the Readers' Forum!

I think this article more or less speaks for itself, but if I were to write a response to this well meaning student who is playing on every obnoxiousness...this is what I would say:

1. Leave your new convert status out of this. It has nothing to do with your argument, and it creates a bid for sympathy that is absurd. I understand frustration from converts who don't quite understand "Mormon culture" but Halloween shouldn't be new to you in or out of the church (unless you've been making friends with that sand).

2. Quoting scripture to defend yourself in this argument is not very sound, particularly because the meanings about these scriptures and the meaning of dressing up on Halloween are completely different. Last I checked, the bookstore wasn't trying to get people involved in human sacrifice...they're just decorating. If you're going to avoid the "appearance of evil" to an extreme that far, then you'll have to lock yourself in your room and close your eyes. Calm down. And look up the context of the scriptures before you quote them. Not to mention the etymology of words.

3. I'll pull an argument as lame as most of yours: President Hinckley wore a Halloween tie at his devotional last year when he spoke on Halloween.

4. Don't pull the 'origins of Halloween' argument. It's not well researched. And if that's the argument you're going to pull, look up the origins of Christmas too. (Here's a hint: your search could start with the word Pagan).

5. I'm pretty sure Joseph Smith and Brigham Young wouldn't have freaked about some decorations. They had bigger things to worry about. Like extremists.

6. Here's another shallow argument from me: Deseret Book stocks Harry Potter books. And Halloween books.

7. Did this author try to compare BYU to the Celestial Kingdom on earth (with flaws)? Goodness...I love BYU but if this is the Celestial Kingdom then I don't have much to look forward to. Except an eternity of Police Beats and Readers' Forum articles!

8. I'm pretty sure that most kids who dress up for Halloween probably have no idea what real witchcraft is. Heck, I'm pretty sure the author doesn't know what real witchcraft is. I'm also pretty sure that most kids who dress up like ghosts/witches/vampires/sorcerers etc. don't all become devil worshipers.

All this being said, I hope you all have an excellent Halloween being evil and massacring children with cleavers. I know I will.